personal musings, prostitution, relationship, sex industry, Uncategorized

Is a successful romantic relationship with a hooker even possible?

 

            About a year and a half ago, my very very best girlfriend and partner in crime (crime of course being whore-ing) met and fell head over heels for a man who seemed great for her at first and was super into her. She stopped working because he apparently disapproved, fine, that’s her business, and I didn’t ask a lot of questions. We still hung out, but she never came around me without him at her side. Now, I am completely open and frank about my work, and most of my friends thoroughly enjoy my raunchy and sarcastic anecdotes or recaps of a particularly funny client or session. Everybody laughs, it’s just fun. And she and I have some spectacularly funny memories together that we used to laugh about and retell over and over, but we couldn’t bring them up in front of him, because he’d think she was going to become a whore again. Eventually, he convinced her to break off all contact with me, because I am a whore and said whore things and might be contagious, I guess. Anyway, I know this situation is pretty specific to the people involved, but I mention it because when he finally stopped being such a prick, he and I talked, and he seemed shocked to learn that I actually agree that a relationship is unlikely to survive in an environment like this and wasn’t trying to hijack his relationship.

         Jealousy and trust issues, which most of us have, to some degree or another, are like a pool of gas, just waiting for someone to flick a cigarette and set off the alarms.

This is on my mind today because I received an email from a long-time client requesting my services and had to turn it down, the response that is the direct result of a relationship that has been unable thus far to maintain anything resembling healthy status whilst one of us (namely, me, obviously) was giving blowies to strangers for money. I persisted in my chosen profession through hell and high-water, insisting on my independence and indignant at the lack of confidence in my professionalism until finally my ego took a step back to allow reality to sneak in.

I have been with my fiance for almost 5 years, and except for maybe a month or so in the very beginning, and a few memorable situations since, I have a firm rule that he is not to be anywhere in the same building when I see a client, preferably he is not to even know anything specific that could set his thoughts on a course for disaster.

Not that he’d admit it, not for a long time, but for my fiance, the reality of the girl he loved with some stranger sweating and pawing at her had become a problem very quickly. He would be angry and mean towards me when I came home from working, accusing me of being emotionally invested in clients (i paraphrase of course) or allowing inappropriate activities (like kissing or not using protection, both sacred to a relationship but also mandatory safe hooker practices). I told him in no uncertain terms that he should find himself a hobby and to stay out of my business. I was convinced he was just being controlling, I resented his intrusion in any capacity, and we had a very rocky relationship for a while.

Gradually though, after seemingly endless discussions and observations, and some instances where I was put in his shoes, I was able to finally accept his point of view and even understand it.

He asked me to create and post an ad for him to escort, for ladies, to which he received a resounding negative, because…well.. MINE…. and finally, after finding out about a girl he’d been around, who had been basically a sugar mommy type “friend” and I in my jealousy and indignation was ready to destroy him, a girlfriend of mine suggested I take a good long look in the mirror first. How was this really any different from what I do? Well, obviously, I am there during my dates, so I know that it’s just business, that is the difference!

The simple truth is that, in my experience, knowing that the person you love is touching someone else, and being touched by someone else, no matter how clearly you understand in your rational mind the in’s and out’s of the business , it hurts a little, and part of you wants to rush in and scream MINE!

I have read about and seen examples of marriages and other romantic relationship that seem to be successful and have lasted for years, and I applaud everyone involved . Obviously, these people are superhero’s, and so I admire without any hope of achieving same.

These days, I am not working, and my fiance is overjoyed. I get it, I really do, and so I guess my final opinion on the subject is that any  romantic relationship with a hooker has the potential for longevity, however the degree of contentment probably depends on which person is the hooker and which one just has to quietly know about it.

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personal musings, prostitution, sex industry, Uncategorized

undercover angels


when you feel alone and work is overwhelming 

just remember that you're a part of someone's 

best memories. no dialogue just your presence, 

in exploring somewhere new, a reassuring smile 

and support you gave, or in lots of laughter and 

sun. it helps the days feel worth more, even if 

today felt like it didn't count, it did. you exist in 

so many ways you can't measure.

i read this somewhere on Twitter the other day and copied it because it is inspiring. In a profession as demanding and exhausting as providing fantasies, its a sweet reminder that it isnt all for nothing, or even all for just sex.

Obviously everyone is different, but I accepted many clients who’s needs were more than just physical, and those are the ones that to me are so rewarding, and they prove that my services are more than their tawdry reputation.

I believe that there is a value inherent in a willing encounter and time spent with a girl that can make someone broken feel whole again, even just for an hour.

 

 

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prostitution, rants, sex industry, Uncategorized

The Truth about Tricks

 

The Truth About My Clients~

I am often asked if I am ever attracted to my clients, or what I would do if they showed up and were ugly or smelled.  The truth is that the vast majority of my clients were in fact relatively normal, average attractiveness and most often in their 30’s, A few who were obviously or openly disabled, mentally and /or physicially, and many who were simply lonely.  And without exception, if anyone had the audacity to arrive unshowered or rude they were either offered the use of my own shower, or asked to reschedule when they would have time to clean up before meeting.

I advised potential clients in my ad and on my website that I expect and demand at the very least the same courtesy and consideration – hygenically speaking- as I would show them, specifically brush teeth, shower, use deodorant. The issue of “consent” that was sneered at as a joke in the blog I was reading is, to me, where my power and control over my own body is asserted and acknowledged and the decision to give said consent is by no means guaranteed nor should it be expected. The “purchase of consent” issue, which I have seen mentioned a few times recently aside from that blog, assumes that it is morally and in all other ways just not possible that consent given in company with a fee can be valid. This is supposedly because the girl is not consenting because she wants to, she is submitting her body to be used at the whim of a stranger because of the money…. to this I can only shake my head. I’ve worked fast food, retail, and I have had customers yell, insult me, hell at burger king some kid threw a giant cup of soda at my face through the drive through window. I hated it, the money sucked, but I had to eat and pay rent just like everybody else. The exploitation, the violations, humiliations, degradations, those are not an inherent part of this kind of work. Myself, I do not allow anything that would cause me to feel that the client is either in control of the session or disrespecting me or my rules.

 

The attractive factor is a non-issue, honestly. I consider myself to be a professional, and to me, what I provide is escape. Fantasy. Sure there are plenty of  guys who literally just want their dick sucked in the safeway parking lot and that fine if thats what you do, but the value a trick places on me and my services is set by the value i place on myself first. I love the transformation in the whole persona of a man who suddenly feels desirable or funny, who for whatever personal reasons was lacking confidence when he walked in, and leaves with his chin a little higher and a swagger in his walk. I don’t pay much attention to height, weight, hair color or the size of his dick. I make conversation, I soothe nervousness, I tell corny jokes and I play and flirt, and my “services” are my personal skill set which I take pride in and provide with enthusiastic energy, because the more they enjoy it, the more money they want to spend! Its free enterprise, America! Besides, some of the most interesting and generous people I have ever met were decidedly ugly and or fat, but their manners were a delight and their appreciation was genuine.

This industry is so wonderfully diverse and the options to individualize your service are endless. The major misconception at work here I think is the belief that any man with enough money has automatic permission, which could not be further from reality. I reserve the right to cancel or terminate at any time and for any reason, but especially if there is the smallest amount of disrespect or agression. I learned over the years to pay attention to every detail of a clients initial contact so as to be able to make that judgement based on a short conversation’s tone and manner.

The other misconception I’d like to comment on right now is the idea that we are homewrecking/husband stealing/in any way interested in your significant other after he’s gone. It’s a job, and there is no more emotion or attatchment involved than if I were cleaning your house. I put on my character as I open the door, and as it closes after he departs, my mind whispers “end scene”. I count my money on the way to the shower and by the time im rinsing my hair I couldn’t tell you his name if you paid me.  Numbers saved to my phone rarely had names attatched , only whatever quick descriptive nickname I could come up with that I’d hope would actually remind me who he was. My contact list has always been thick with “tall guy with beard”, “cheap ass trick” ” fat guy, skinny guy, 2minute guy, awesome vibrator guy, weird hawaiian shirt guy.

The idea of monogamy I believe to be a myth, and I know more about men than any woman has a right to. See, they don’t care a thing what I think of them which results a lot of the time in a raw and unguarded honesty. Yes, so many are truly douchebags, one comes to mind who’s wife was actually in labor and kept calling his phone while he was with me.  Yes, I finished the session, and told him he should be ashamed of himself and not to contact me again. I do have some female loyalty!

But men, truly, just need to have some kind of release and female contact in their life.

My absolute favorites though, the ones I actually have some respect for, were the sweet, gentle, loyal gents, still deeply committed after decades of marriage, who love their wives and would never ever leave them, even though sex is no longer a viable option, and so come to me for a faint bit of comfort and having gotten it go back to their daily lives renewed for a while longer, loving without bitterness, without resentment.

 

 

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essay, human rights, human trafficking, prostitution, sex industry

Addressing the matter of Human Trafficking …near me

I am a lifetime resident of our county, and am writing to express my concern about the way that the Pierce County District Attorney’s office is handling the issue of human trafficking, and specifically its charges against my fiance. I am involved directly in this case, as a voluntary witness for the defense, and involuntarily as one of the alleged “victims”. The lack of objectivity on the part of the law enforcement officials and the prosecution as a whole is a matter of concern that I feel is a clear violation of the basic understanding that an American citizen has a right to the presumption of innocence until proven otherwise.

The Washington State code of ethics states that a prosecuting attorney’s duty to be fair is as important as his duty to the general public to actively prosecute violators of the law. Charlton, 90 Wn.2d 657. 110

What so many well-meaning people don’t seem to understand is that the tough-on-crime approach to sex-trafficking is not legitimately helping sex trafficking victims (legitimately helping people means paying attention to what they actually need, not threatening them with arrest if they don’t testify against others.) Law enforcement, with the cooperation and financial backing of anti prostitution activists and our elected officials,  have become the new entity that is now also exploiting these women to further their moral crusade. Freedom is supposed to be what this country is about. Not forcing our moral values on each other.

This issue has directly lead to the arrest and charges filed against Steven Webb.  The police and prosecution as a whole, simply refuse to acknowledge sworn and signed statements that both alleged victims are in fact independently and voluntarily working in the sex industry, and that he is not nor was he ever their pimp.  Instead of acknowledging that these girls have the right to decide whether or not they believe themselves to be victims, these officers of our justice system insisted that they must simply be deluded into believing themselves independent. A victim’s advocate for Pierce County Ms. Dougherty, when asked by the alleged victim she is intended to advocate for, why her own statements were being ignored, asked, “So, are you telling me that you are not a victim here? That you do this work voluntarily?” To which the reply was a vehement yes, that is exactly right, and to which reply she then advised this alleged victim that it is the job of the prosecution to prove she is a victim, and any issues she has with that should be taken up with her own attorney.

How is that in any way furthering the rights of any woman in this so called free country? Lawmakers in our own state have stated the opinion that prostitution is an inherent form of gender based violence and they  accuse anybody who acknowledges the existence of consensual sex work of denying the existence of human trafficking altogether. The issue of human trafficking is real but has become contaminated by moral panic and misguided heroism. This may protect a few victims, but how many will they create? It is crucial to distinguish prostitutes who work of their own free will from victims of sex trafficking. And it is even more crucial that in prosecuting these cases, the law is followed to the letter, and that the investigation be meticulous.

A prostitute is not a victim automatically just because she is in fact a prostitute. Abortion is legal because a woman has a right to decide what to do or not to do with her own body. Should a prostitute not also have the right to do or not do what she wishes with her own body? Is the moral high-mindedness in our country so above reproach that human rights are violated without question, as long as it’s a prostitute who’s rights are being ignored? But only when said prostitute has the audacity to declare herself as independent, and therefore having no need of rescue or information or knowledge that can be used to find any real instance of human trafficking.

What actions are being taken to address issues that have already and will continue to be created by the government’s fanatic lack of planning, investigation, or time? The sex worker community, ranging from affluent and successful high end escorts to street walkers and drug addicts, has been given a solid “get out of jail free” card, which considering that the most often targeted and therefore in need of which would be the drug addicts, street walkers, and various others at the lower end of the totem pole, can and does result in a violation of the freedom of innocent lives, being named because of a grudge, or borrowed money , maybe an unrequited crush or one night stand – who knows?

From a girl living on the fringes of society, addicted to drugs, or just trying to survive, handcuffed alone in a room full of cops and facing jail, a lie, even one of great magnitude, is not entirely surprising. Particularly if she knows by her own experience this has worked before. What is surprising, what is disturbing and should chill the average American citizen right to the core, is the enthusiasm with which this lie is received, and the speed with which a subsequent arrest is made and charges filed.

Why was there no investigative police work? Why didn’t they believe another prostitute, the same day, who said it was not true? The information available by simply purchasing a few court documents online is more than adequate to convince even the most casual observer that there is nothing in this case against Steven Webb that conveys even the faintest idea that he should be prosecuted, but more that the state’s witnesses should in fact be investigated for misleading and contradictory statements, and the state itself should perhaps be questioned for it’s foolish reliance on the statements of two girls who allegedly gave two completely different statements and one who obviously stood to gain directly from her statements, and subsequently also contradicted herself, after of course, she was no longer in jeopardy of losing her own life to prison.

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